


Teacher, Trainer, Totally Distracting

by Red_Artemis_Jane



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Boxing, Episode: s02e23 The Thaw, F/M, Fear, Hurt Chakotay (Star Trek), Slow Burn, Stubborn Janeway, relationship, saved - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 13:22:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16041314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_Artemis_Jane/pseuds/Red_Artemis_Jane
Summary: Kathryn Janeway runs into Chakotay in a gym program on the holodeck, Chakotay offers to teach her to box. Kathryn has a very hard time focusing, and Chakotay is doing nothing to help with that...Things get complicated as they grow closer and an old adversary raises it's head... things get dark, and they will have to depend on each other- J/C Set after The Thaw





	1. Late Night Distractions

Kathryn Janeway sat in her bed in her quarters tugging on her sneakers, hopefully since it was so late no one else would be using the program, she could really use a good run to clear her mind. 

She stood and started toward the holodeck. 

Two years ago during their second month in the Delta Quadrant Tom Paris had designed an elaborate gym program to keep everyone fit, it was scheduled to run everyday from 1500 hours until midnight unless someone reserved the time for something else. 

Since it was 0100 hours, the program was supposed to be shut down, but being Captain has its privileges, so she scheduled it to run until she shut it down.

She paused at the entrance, "Computer, is there anyone else using this program?"

"Affirmative. There are two crew members currently in the holodeck."

Kathryn thought for a moment, she really didn't like working out in front of others, and she didn't normally use this specific program, but she decided her need for an energy release was too great and she entered. 

The gym was way larger than the last time she had used the program. Tom had added a second level to the already large room and he had added many elaborate machines. 

To the left of the entrance was a wall of mirrors facing the weights area. There were three full sets of weights and about 10 table-things in front of it, to the far left of the room there was a non-mirrored space with two more sets of weights. Behind the weight area there were arm machines and various other archaic looking exercise contraptions, this was definitely not a 24th century gym, but goodness there was enough equipment on the first floor alone to allow the entire crew to exercise at the same time. 

She walked around a bit, trying to spot the two other crew members, but didn't see anyone and figured they were on the second floor. Towards the right-back corner Kathryn stumbled upon a variety of Klingon weapons and armor as well as a few other items from different cultures. She was glad to see that Tom had thought to include a space for the non-human members of the crew. 

She walked to the plain-walled area of the weights section, set down her water bottle, and grabbed the 10's to warm up. She went through her exercises and attempted to push herself without pulling anything, a trip to the Doctor was the last thing she wanted. Soon she was sweating, and the burning sensation in her arms and legs helped her relax a bit. Each time there was a surge of the stressed and frustrated energy to her hands, she went for a heavier weight to get rid of it. 

The scare of losing B'Elanna and Harry to that crazy manifestation of fear had kept her on edge, she hadn't been able to fight the thing face to face, and the lack of control annoyed her. Yes she had been the one to trick him, but was it really her? It was a hologram, but then again the Doctor is a hologram and he is an independent being so maybe… she shook her head, enough. 

She channeled her need to control what had happened into her movements as best she could, but she was still feeling stressed and frustrated. 

She put away all the weights and looked for a treadmill with a screen on it so she could monitor the ship's systems and calm her mind, but found none. All the treadmills were plain except for two in the corner that were curved and very strange looking. 

She gave the room one last look before she headed towards the staircase near the entrance, maybe there were more options up there. She hadn't seen the other crewman leave the program yet so she assumed they were still up there. Stalling to avoid any unwanted interactions she went to the replicator on the far wall to fill her water bottle. 

On her way she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, she paused and looked at her reflection. 

The Kathryn that had started on this journey was definitely gone, her hips had more curve to them, the bags under her eyes looked somewhat similar to bruises, and her butt wasn't quite as sculpted. She hadn't gained weight exactly, hard to do when your diet is mainly coffee, but she had lost some of the definition she had when she started as Captain. 

She sighed and looked at herself once more, then continued to the replicator.

While she was waiting for the bottle to fill she heard footsteps and turned around the see Ayala descending the stairs. Well that's one of them.

She turned back to the replicator, hoping he wouldn't notice her, but the hum of the water appearing caused him to turn to her. 

"Oh, Hello Captain," he said a bit embarrassed, obviously a bit taken aback to see her out of uniform, in workout clothes with her hair in a ponytail. 

"Hello Lieutenant, heading out?" She asked, a bit uncomfortable with the situation herself. 

"Yes, I uh, I just finished training. Well, uh, goodnight Captain."

"Goodnight." She replied, managing some semblance of a kind smile. 

As he scurried out she let out the breath she had been holding in subconsciously. Really it wasn't that big of a deal, but she still didn't like her crew seeing her in such a disheveled state. She shook her head and headed towards the staircase once more. 

She ascended the stairs a bit distractedly, how foolish it was to let her crew see her in such a state, they would think she was weak, her mask would be cracked. Was that bad? 

Ugh, seriously. She shook her head in exasperation trying to clear the unproductive thoughts from her head. 

She reached the top of the stairs and looked to find a machine, but her eyes caught.

Of course, of course. 

There, in a skin tight shirt, gym shorts, and boxing gloves, stood her darkly handsome first officer.


	2. Opening Up

Chakotay could hear footstep on the stairs and figured Ayala had forgotten something, he would come over if he needed him, so Chakotay decided to keep boxing. 

As the footsteps drew nearer, he could tell that it was not Ayala. The steps were lighter and quick paced, probably B'Elanna, she must be in a good mood if she’s taking the stairs like that. But then why would she come to see him so late, while he was working out, if she was okay? 

He continued to box, trying to keep his eyes focused on the bag in front of him so he wasn’t awkwardly staring at the person when they reached the top. He quickly darted his eyes over, and nearly missed the bag with his next punch. 

There, scanning the upper floor, was Kathryn. 

She stood with her hair in a high ponytail, she wore a sky blue workout shirt that fit to her curves perfectly. The black leggings she wore were also skin tight and hugged her well, the whole look made parts of his body react in ways other than what was considered appropriate for this situation. 

She was stunning, all sweaty, tired, and out of uniform. She was Kathryn.

 

He looked up from the punching bag and their eyes locked. 

She quickly broke eye contact, but he was already taking off his gloves and walking over. 

‘Oh god, oh god please don't notice how disheveled I look’ She thought to herself as she began to put on her Captains persona. ‘And for goodness sake when did he get so attractive?’

Since their first time seeing each other on the view screen there had been a certain tension between them. Like it or not they were both extremely attracted to one another, and their flirtatious behavior had only increased over the past year as Kathryn slowly let go of the idea that Mark was waiting for her back on Earth. 

In general Chakotay could feel her starting to open up to him, she would make flirty comments to him, her hand rested on his shoulder a little longer than normal, and he often caught her staring when she thought he wasn't looking. 

The past few months had been especially… Tense. He often found himself staring at her, be it her beautiful hair, her striking and elegant facial features, or her curvy figure, and when he got caught (which was more often than not these days) instead of quickly moving and doing something else, she would give him a certain look and continue with her actions, sometimes moving to even more distracting positions. 

But this, seeing her like this, well he was going to have a hard time with subtlety tonight. 

“Good evening Captain.”

“Hello Commander, staying late tonight I see.”

“Uh yes, I'm training Ayala in martial arts, boxing, and a few other combat styles and since the program was set to keep running we stayed a bit later than usual.”

She nodded, she should have guessed it would be him.

Chakotay filled the awkward silence that she left by asking “What brings you here? I haven't seen you in this program before.”

She snapped out of it, realizing how disengaged she was acting. 

“Oh, uh no, I don't use this one, I normally prefer rock climbing or skiing or something like that. I just, felt like coming here tonight.”

He noticed the tension in her voice and the tight grip she had on her water bottle, she was slightly taken aback by his presence yes, but the lines under her eyes and her general tension told him that there was something more wrong. 

“Yeah, I know how you feel, sometimes only a gym workout will do, even if it is in a twenty-first century holo-gym.”

He gestured to a bench behind the punching bag, hoping she would follow, and was relieved when she did. 

“I was wondering what century this design was from, leave it to Mr. Paris to create something unconventional.” She replied. 

He sat down and grabbed his water, poured some into his mouth, and then motioned for her to sit next to him. 

She sat and drank some water too, then leaned forward with her elbows on her knees and her head down, a very rare posture for the invincible Captain. Now he knew there was something wrong. 

“Kathryn?”

She straightened up and looked at him, attention caught by his use of her name. 

“Yes?”

“Kathryn what's wrong.”

It wasn’t a question, he knew there was something on her mind, and she cursed his ability to read her. She opened her mouth to protest that she was perfectly fine but he cut her off.

“No you're not fine, something is bothering you. What can I do to help?”

She sighed and gave a small laugh, wow she really is transparent to him. 

“Nothing specific really, I'm just tired.” She looked at him, expecting a response, but he just stared back at her, edging her to tell him more. 

“Chakotay I'm okay, really. The incident with those stasis chambers and that manifestation of fear has just been on my mind.” She looked down then. 

“Kathryn I know that was hard, I know how much you hate not being in control of dangerous situations, especially when they involve the lives of your crew. But Harry and B'Elanna are fine, a bit   
shaken up yes, but they are okay.” She stayed still. 

“You did what you could and it was more than enough, you made the right decisions and without your understanding of fear, we never would have been successful.” 

Her eye twitched and her arms clenched for a millisecond when he mentioned her control of fear. That was the problem. She had to face fear, and face how she dealt with it. 

He could tell she wasn't quite ready to face that demon, but she needed some form of release. He glanced up and noticed the punching bag swinging in front of them. Perfect.

“Hey, I have an idea.” 

She turned her head and watched him get up and walk over to where he had been when she walked up. 

Chakotay knew that not being in control was hard, especially for her, and he knew full well how fear combined with the stress of dealing with unpleasant thoughts could make you feel. 

“Have you ever tried boxing?”


	3. Blowing Off Steam

Janeway set down her water bottle, “No, I don't think so.”

Chakotay nodded, “Computer, one pair of 12 oz. training boxing gloves, and one set of boxing wraps.”

“Please specify a size.”

Chakotay looked at Kathryn, “I have no idea how big my hands are.”

“That's fair, computer size small.”

A pair of grey boxing gloves with white lining appeared next to two small wraps of cloth on a shelf near the punching bag, Chakotay got them and brought them to Kathryn.

“Here.” Chakotay set down the gloves and held up one of the cloth wraps. 

“This can be kind of tricky, I will teach you how to wrap your own hands another time.” He gestured for one of her hands and she gave it somewhat tentatively. 

He held her fingers gently with one and and with the other placed the end of the wrap on her wrist. He then began to spiral the wrap around her hands and fingers. His touch was gentle, almost caressing her hand as he went, and Kathryn caught herself staring at him multiple times. He secured the wrap and she flexed her fingers, she didn’t have full range of movement in her fingers but her wrist was supported and her knuckles were padded.   
He repeated the process on her left hand before then plying the Velcro from the right hand glove and held it open for her. She glanced at him quickly then slid her hand it. 

The material was tight but breathable, and her hand fit comfortably into the curve of the glove. 

With her hand inside Chakotay wrapped the Velcro tight and felt her hand. 

“These are a good size.” He started to undo the other one while Janeway was still staring at where he had grabbed her hand. Beneath the wraps she could feel where he had gently held her, she wasn’t used to it.

He held open the second glove and they repeated the process. Chakotay then went and collected his black gloves from the bench and slipped one of them on, leaving his other hand. 

“Alright, first things first, how hard can you punch?” He held up his ungloved hand. 

Did he want her to punch him? 

“Come on, punch right here.” He tapped his palm. 

“No, I don't want to hit you.” 

“It's okay, just one punch, I need to get a feel for where we are starting out.” She hesitated another second or so, then changed her footing. 

She put her right leg forward and bent her knees a bit, then brought up her gloves, she bounced once and then punched. 

Damn! Chakotay was not expecting that much force from her on her first go. She stood up straight again and he let his hand down, trying not to make the shake out of his hand obvious, but of course she noticed.

“Did I hurt you? I'm sorry, I just..”

“No no, you're fine, I was just surprised, are you sure you've never done boxing?”

“Pretty sure!” They both gave a small laugh. “Alright, well I guess I don't have to work on the force part of boxing with you.”

He slipped on his other glove, and then began to show her the basic stances and punches. She caught on quickly, and he could tell she was ready to punch. 

“Alright,” he straightened up and so did she, they both wiped a bit of sweat from their foreheads, Kathryn hadn't realized how difficult boxing was or how much body strength it required.

“I think you have the basic forms down, now time to apply them.” He took off his gloves and for a second Kathryn thought he was going to make her punch him again, but instead he walked back to the bag. 

“So, twenty punches, each hand. Repeat it 5 times.”

She raised her eyebrows.

“Come on, just pretend it's a Kazon or a Vidiian.” She grimaced at their mention and he laughed, “Exactly, now go on!”

She got into her stance and began her sets, Chakotay watched her make a few punches, then asked, “Is it okay if I finish the rest of my workouts while you do this one?”

She nodded her head, continuing her punches. Dang, she was really into this. Or maybe it was the Captain’s determination coming through. 

He gave a half smile and walked over to a structure that was best described as a fancy monkey-bar set. 

He rubbed his hands together and jumped up to the first rung, Kathryn didn’t take any notice until he began going forward and backward and up and down at ridiculous speeds. He pulled himself up on the last rung so he was on top of the set and began doing dips.

Kathryn couldn’t help but notice how sculpted his arms were, she could see his muscles and veins working, and his concentration was evident on his face. 

His sweat ran down his torso and made his shirt cling to his abs… 

‘STOP IT’ She thought. 

Kathryn angrily resumed her punches, trying unsuccessfully to get the images of her first officer her mind had conjured up out of her brain. 

She was so focused on losing her focus on Chakotay that she didn’t notice when he came up next to her until he lightly touched her glove between punches. 

“I think how have done twice the number of punches I told you to do.” He chuckled.

She stood straight and realized only then that she was drenched in sweat and her arms were unbelievably tired, they hung like dead weights by her sides, and she no longer had any desire to go on that run.

She was breathing hard and honestly almost missed the once over that Chakotay gave her. 

“How do you feel?” He said, hoping she didn’t notice how often his eyes were being drawn to her heaving chest.

“I didn’t realize how good of a workout boxing is.” She wiped the back of her glove across her forehead and then placed her hands on her hips, “What’s next?”

“Ha, I think that’s enough for one night, it’s 0230 hours.”

“Is it really?”

“Yes, and we both have the alpha shift.” He walked over to a cupboard on the wall and grabbed two towels. 

He handed one to her, then proceeded to walk in front of her, heading to the stairs, giving her a wonderful...ly inappropriate view of his shorts clinging attractively to his... Seriously.

She shoved her face into the towel, taking several deep breaths before following him down the stairs. 

Chakotay filled his water bottle and tried to think of freezing winter. ‘I want to train her, she obviously needs the outlet, like I did’ he paused, ‘and I would get to see her like this a few times a week…’ Yeah okay that was enough convincing. 

He turned to find her on the last stair. He walked over, “So, was that helpful?”

“How do you mean,” she said, obviously tired.

“Are you less wound up?”

She paused, “Yes. For now.” She proceeded to recycle her towel, and inadvertently gave him another opportunity to check out her legs. 

This was getting out of hand, ‘Kathryn… Janeway is your Captain and you are her first officer, absolutely NOTHING can happen.’ The self-scolding only helped until she bent over to adjust a knee brace he hadn’t realized she was wearing. 

Damn that woman. 

Kathryn turned and walked back to him. “Thank you for showing me the basics of boxing, it is very relaxing.”

She was obviously feeling the heat between them and had switched back to Captain mode. 

“I am happy you enjoyed it.” He paused, not sure how the ‘Captain’ would respond, but continued. “I was wondering, would you like to continue lessons? You are very good at it and I think you would really enjoy pursuing it further, we could meet here once or twice a week and I can teach you more.”

He watched her consider her offer, she was being very careful to guard her emotions because her eyes gave no signaling as to what she was thinking. 

“I would enjoy that. Thank you Commander.”

“Of course Captain, when would you like to meet next?” He had automatically shifted to his command stance and had his hands clasped behind his back with his knees straight, legs shoulder-width apart.

“I get off at 1800 hours day after next, does 1900 work?”

“Yes that should be fine, I will have the program up and running.”

“Thank you Commander.”

She turned to leave, he watched her walk and only when she was out of sight did he let out a big breath and relax his posture. This was not going to be easy, and not because she was going to be hard to train.


	4. Morning Ruined

The next morning Janeway could not for the life of her stop thinking about the night before. She kept thinking about the feel of hitting the punching bag, she had enjoyed the dull throb of her hands and the gratification of releasing pent up frustration in an aggressive way. The stinging in her hands and arms told her it had indeed been a good workout, and much preferable to running. 

She pulled on her uniform and began to fuss with her hair. It was so ridiculous that women in Starfleet were expected to either have their hair short or up in some sort of decorative bun at all times. 

After twisting it repetitively and angrily shoving bobby pins in she left her hair and began applying her usual minimalistic makeup. The only thing she ever changed about her makeup was the lipstick, it was always very close to her usual color, but she liked to have some variation, being the Captain at all times made her look so boring. 

As she worked she thought about Chakotay, he was a very attractive man, but more than that, she had come to rely on him in the past two years. Of course she relied on him as a First Officer, but he was more to her than that. He was her best friend out here, other than Tuvok of course, but he was always there for her.

She couldn’t count the number of times she had sat with him late into the hours of the night discussing not only what was best for the crew, but all manner of other things. 

They shared literature, poems, music, culture, Chakotay had even taken it upon himself to teach her how to cook a few simple meals. She had managed to mess them up somehow but the effort to guide her was what really mattered. 

Sometimes she feared that her attraction to him was more than physical, but really she didn’t have time to entertain such thoughts. In the end she was the Captain, and he her First Officer. 

Still… she shook her head and stepped back from the mirror. 

After giving herself a once-over, she decided she wanted to switch up her hair too. Maybe it was because she had extra time, or maybe it was because she wanted to see Chakotay look at her like he had last night, but she wanted to look nice today.

She let her hair down and parted it to the side, she swept her hair across so it looked like a slight wave, then pulled the rest back into a french twist.

She gave herself another once over and headed for the bridge.

\---

Chakotay stood in front of his mirror and fussed over his uniform. He couldn’t wait to see Kathryn again, he always did, but today he needed to get the image of her in skin-tight clothes out of his mind. 

He had become good at restraining himself when she was in uniform, and hopefully seeing her that way would help him keep his emotions… and other things, down. 

She was easily the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He had always had a thing for redheads, but never had he imagined he would actually find one that had any interest in him. 

Not to say that the Captain did of course, he could only hope, but her flirtations gave him a small ray of hope that he chose to cling to. 

She complimented him in a way that no other woman had before, their ideas, likes and dislikes all melded together seamlessly. Each had their own interests but they were always willing to learn more about each other. 

He took it upon himself to be there for her whenever she would let him, as more than a First Officer. He knew she was technically engaged, but as the months had turned to years he could tell she no longer held to her fiance the way she used to. 

All of this fueled his fantasies about the woman he called his Captain.

Realizing he was going to be late for duty if he didn’t hurry, he tugged at his uniform once more and headed to the bridge.

\----

Janeway walked onto her bridge and nodded to Harry and Tuvok as she made her way to the stairs.

“Report.”

“All system normal, we had a quiet night Captain.” Replied Harry Kim.

“Good, I am glad nothing decided to attack us for now, I will be in my ready room.” She looked back and saw Harry give a small chuckle and Tom crack a smile. It really was weird when nothing was attacking them. 

Immediately she headed to the replicator, “Coffee, Black.”

The magic drink appeared before her, and she reached out and took a long gulp. The hot drink helped calm her nerves and she was able to focus her mind on the ship instead of on Chakotay, for now. With another long drink she was ready to look over the reports waiting for her on her desk.

\---

Chakotay walked onto the bridge and immediately looked for Kathryn, not seeing her in her chair, he figured she had gotten here early as usual and already went to her ready room. 

He gave a nod to Kim and Tuvok before going to his seat, trying not to look to disappointed. 

He looked at his console and began looking through reports. 

“Report,” he said distractedly, assuming nothing major happened since he hadn’t been called to the bridge in the middle of the night.

“As Mr. Kim put it, we had a, quiet, night.” Tuvok said, looking at Harry.

“Hey like the Captain said, at least we aren’t being attacked for once.”

Chakotay gave a half smile, glad to hear Kathryn was at least in a good enough mood to crack small jokes.

Done skimming reports, he fixed his eyes on the viewscreen. He kept glancing at her ready room, trying to do so subtly but failing horribly, he was fairly certain Tom had glanced back at him and smirked several times at this point, and Harry was doing a very good job of avoiding eye contact with him. 

Chakotay once again concentrated on the screen, at this point resorting to making patterns in the passing blurs of light. 

There was a feather, and a rose, that one looked like boxing gloves.

Seriously, he huffed and stood up.

“Tuvok, you have the bridge.”

Tuvok nodded and responded with “Yes sir.” but looked at him with one eyebrow raised.

\---

Janeway went to take a sip of coffee, only to find that the damn thing was empty, again.

She angrily stood and went to the replicator.

“Coffee, Black!” She ordered. Her relaxed morning had turned sour and she had all but forgotten her early morning distractions. 

As it appeared she heard her door chime. 

She picked up her coffee, took a sip, then called for them to enter. And when she turned to face the visitor she really wished she hadn’t answered. 

\---

Chakotay walked to her, and immediately could tell she was not having a good morning. But he tried to start off nice and said “Good Morning Captain.”

“Well it is morning Commander, I don’t know about good. What can I do for you?”

She walked back to her desk and his eyes followed her, hands clasped behind his back as usual. 

She sat and looked up at him, expecting an answer.

He stumbled across his words, why was he in here again?

“I wanted to discuss the engineering reports with you.”

“Oh God not those, did you see B'Elanna’s last report? She sent it about 10 minutes ago.”

He tugged at his ear, he hadn’t actually, he had been too focused on keeping his mind off other things.

“No I haven’t, I was uh, working with Harry on clearing up some sensor readings.”

She seemed to buy it and sat back in her chair, tossing a PADD in his general direction. 

He sat and scooped it off the desk.

As he read, Kathryn leaned her head back and closed her eyes. Too many things going on and her personal feelings had to get mixed into her ever growing list of things to stress about.

She opened her eyes and saw Chakotay’s furrowed brow, he had been stressed about something before reading this report, that she had been able to tell, but his concern was growing as he read on.

He sat back in his own chair and threw the PADD back on the desk. 

“Well there goes our uneventful day.”

Kathryn stood and began to pace, holding her coffee in a vice-like grip. “How could there possibly still be activity in the machine?! There is no brain hooked up to it, it shouldn’t have anything to work on.”

Chakotay turned to watch her pace, “I’m not sure, is it possible the hologram of you we sent in there is still running somehow?”

She paused briefly but then kept pacing. “No, we cut power to the systems we were routing the hologram through and then scrubbed it, there shouldn’t even be a record of that hologram being sent.”

“How did B'Elanna know when to take you off the connection? Did you time it or, how did that work?”

“She was watching the machine power output, and when it started to dip she disconnected me. We figured at that point the manifestation would have given up, realizing he had been tricked.”

“Is there anyway the machine could have scanned your brain and the holoprograms structure in the time that you were on it?”

“I don’t know, but if I am thinking what you are thinking the machine could have transitioned itself onto a holographic brain, using mine as the model and the hologram as a vessel.”

She stopped abruptly and tapped her combadge “All senior officers report to the bridge.”

She walked out of the room ahead of him, and her angry struts made her hips move all that much more.


	5. Decisions

B'Elanna stood by the monitor and began talking, 

“The Captain’s theory is possible, it would have to have been done incredibly quickly though, scanning an entire brain and it’s functions isn’t something that can be done in the blink of an eye. The human brain is more complex than anything a holo-program could hold anyway.”

The Doctor cleared his throat from the viewscreen, “Again, I will choose not to take that as an insult.”

B'Elanna rolled her eyes and went back to looking at the reading from the stasis machine. 

“Honestly I don’t see any other way this thing could still be running.” She looked at the Captain and so did the rest of the table.

“Can’t we just cut power?” asked Tom.

A clearly exasperated B'Elanna replied, “No Mr. Paris. We can’t. Because we are not the ones supplying the power, it has its own systems that have been running it for years, and even though we deactivated them they rebooted somehow. It locked us out when we tried to access them again.”

Tom looked back down at the table, having been completely shut down by a frustrated half-Klingon, not even Tom had a witty comeback. 

Janeway had her hands threaded in front of her face and she was staring at the table. 

“No.”

Everyone looked to Chakotay who had spoken up out of nowhere.

Janeway looked up too and with a cool stare that showed she could feel a challenge coming, “No to what Commander.”

“What you’re about to suggest.”

Everyone around the table was completely still, amazed that he was challenging her like this, and that he was doing so without her having suggested anything.

She sat back in her chair, slowly, he could tell she didn’t know how to react and that she was surprised he was recognizing their connection in front of everyone. 

“And what pray tell, was I going to suggest.”

B'Elanna caught on then, seeing her friend’s gaze was one of protection. 

“Captain,” Eyes turned to B'Elanna.

“I agree with Commander Chakotay, you cannot do that, it’s too risky.”

It was Tom’s turn to speak up then, “Okay, will someone please tell me what we are talking about.”

B'Elanna crossed her arms and turned to Tom, “The Captain wants to hook herself back into the system, but this time in full stasis so she will have control over what happens.”

“What? Seriously? That thing wouldn’t let even one person go, why would he let her go if she went back?”

“Exactly,” B'Elanna faced the Captain then.

Janeway stood slowly and placed her hands on the briefing table, “Look, I appreciate you trying to protect me, but going back in and seeing what is still running is the only way we can figure this out. Now, B'Elanna I want you to look into this, see if we can put me in stasis without booting the entire program again.”

B'Elanna opened her mouth to argue.

“No, just do it. Understood?” No one questioned her, sensing the calm steeliness in her voice that meant no nonsense. 

B'Elanna nodded curtly, avoiding Chakotay’s gaze. 

“Dismissed.”

Everyone slowly pushed back from the table and exited, except Chakotay. 

Janeway continued to look at the table as everyone exited. She knew he would stay behind and he did, but she refused to look at him. 

She watched out of the corner of her eye as he stood and moved to her side. He was silent, but she could feel that he was close to her.

She took a deep breath and straightened, she turned to where she expected him to be. But he was much closer, their chests were almost touching as she looked up into his gaze, trying her best not to make her surprise, or embarrassment at their proximity, apparent.

It didn’t work. 

When she looked into his eyes she saw nothing but concern and love. The intensity at which these emotions were conveyed left her speechless. She stood there with her mouth partially open, not sure whether she wanted to back up or kiss him right there. 

She tried to speak “Chak..” 

He stopped her by stepping back a bit and taking her hand, not breaking eye contact.

At the sudden touch it was she who averted her gaze, looking down and to the side, unable to meet his eyes any longer. Emotions began to overwhelm her. 

“Kathryn, please.” he let go over her hand, obviously unsure of her comfort with the contact.

“Please reconsider, I know you are worried and you want to stop this. But jumping in there and risking your life isn’t the way to go, there must be another way-”  
Janeway cut him off then, gaining a bit of strength back. “No there isn’t! Someone has to go in.” as she said this she walked away from him and threw her hands in the air in exasperation before returning one to her hip and the other to her forehead. 

“We can’t just let it run.”

“Why.”

“Because Chakotay! That holo-program is federation coding, unless you want to store the damn thing in the cargo bay for the next 60-70 years we need to get the program out so we can put it back on the planet or give it to their species, or otherwise dispose of it.”

He thought for a moment, embarrassed he hadn’t thought about it that way because he had been focused on protecting, well, other things. 

“That’s true….”

“See? I have to go in, besides no one besides me is going to be able to deal with the hologram of me if she’s been tormented by that entity for so long.”

“Let me.” He said under his breath.

Her heart stopped. “What?”

“Let me go in, I can stop fear and I can take care of the other you.”

She dropped her hands, ending her pacing, and walked to him. Placing a hand on his chest.

“Chakotay no… this was my decision. It was my fault, I am the Captain, I --”

“You are responsible for this crew, so you shouldn’t go recklessly endangering yourself.”

He grabbed the hand that was on his chest and squeezed.

“Please, let me.”

Again the love returned to his eyes, she couldn’t handle it.

She looked down and said “I will think about it.” before pulling back and walking out the doors. 

\----

A few hours later Kathryn headed to the holodeck. Her mind - once again - would not quiet, and she needed to release anger. 

Stupid fear, when did it get so smart? What had it learned from scanning her brain.. Harry and B'Elanna were hooked up much longer than she was so the entity had had more time to explore their minds and find out what they were afraid of and what they would respond to, but she had only been on a few minutes. Would it still know enough to terrorize her? Or at least the holographic her?

She shook her head and continued down the hall. Since it wasn’t quite as late at night as it had been the last time she had decided to use the program, she had opted for a more conservative t-shirt, long yoga pants, and hair in a low ponytail for her work-out attire. Before she had left she checked the sensors to see if Chakotay was in the program, luckily and surprisingly he wasn’t, so she should be safe to box in peace. Without added… distraction. Professional or otherwise...

Luckily she reached the holodeck doors just then before she could imagine Chakotay in workout clothing any more. Although, thoughts of his loving eyes, so ready to do anything to protect her, continued to cloud her mind.

She had just climbed the stairs and set down her bag her commbadge chirped. 

“Torres to Janeway. Captain I think you need to get to Cargobay 2 as soon as possible.”

“What is it?”

‘“The program.. Well let’s just say someone decided to go rogue and take matters into his own hands.”

She froze. Chakotay.


	6. A Cry For Help

“Status” barked Janeway as she strut into the cargo bay.

“He is in full stasis, Ayala helped him into the chamber once Chakotay threatened to throw him in the brig.” B'Elanna shouted back from across the room. 

Janeway walked quickly to the controls, throwing a death-glare toward Ayala standing sheepishly in a corner, and started to try and cut power.

“Chakotay, or someone at least, has locked out every function on the machine, I can’t access anything. Even your command codes are unlikely to breach his lockout Captain.”

Janeway soon discovered Torres was right. She tried every command code, Ship’s Captain, Level 10, Starfleet Inquiry, even her father's old Admiralty code, but nothing worked. 

Frustrated she slammed a fist on the console. 

“Lieutenant I need access, now! Get all of engineering down here if you have too. Also get the Doctor and have him send Kes immediately. I need to get him out!” 

“I’m sorry Captain, there isn’t anything Engineering will be able to do.” Torres stood beside her Captain as both their hands came to rest on their consoles. Unable to get a response. 

“I will call the Doctor though.”

B'Elanna looked at her Captain expecting to see anger, instead she saw her head down arms on either side of the screen, she couldn’t believe it but she could swear she saw a silent sob and a quiver in her arms.

“Captain…” B'Elanna walked to her, “Captain?”

Janeway blinked and straightened up, hands staying where they were, but finally turning her head.

“Yes, Ms. Torres?”

B'Elanna was taken aback by the level of sadness and worry in her Captain’s eyes. Every time the crew was in danger Janeway took the threat personally and looked out for her crew with the care and love of a protective mother hen. But this… she had seen the same look just hours before, but in the eyes of Chakotay…

“Captain we will get him back, I promise. He is strong, and if anyone can defeat that entity besides you, it’s him. Especially when you are in danger.” She added.

“What do you mean by that Lieutenant?”

Torres cringed internally at the slip up, “I- I just mean, I know he will take care of his Captain, hologram or not. And I know he did this in order to protect you.”

Janeway couldn’t argue that point, she could tell B'Elanna wasn’t telling her something but decided to let it go.

“Thank you, I know we will get him out, I just hope we can do so with him all in one piece.”

Torres was saved from having to respond by a beep from the panel beneath them. They both scanned the information hungrily, Janeway instantly slipping her command mode back into place. 

“Look! It’s a message from inside the program.” Torres began to type in commands to get the message all the way through the system.

“How did he do this?” Janeway asked.

Without pausing in her work the engineer replied, “Most likely he used the same technique we did to send in the panel for me and Harry to exit the program. I just don’t know how he is getting away with it.”

They both stared as the message came through. It was short, and only text. 

It read: ‘No time. Send Kathryn. Only way out is through her.’

The women stared at the message then looked back up at one another.

“I have to.”

“No! We cannot risk having both members of the command team inside this damned thing at the same time!As much as I hate to I will call Tuvok down here and he will agree.”

“B'Elanna!” Janeway’s voice had raised above that of Torres, and with the use of her first name, she became silent.

“B'Elanna please, let me help him.”

“Captain, we don’t even know if this message was sent by Chakotay, it could be fear manipulating the program.”

“No, it’s him. He used my name, the entity referred to me only by my title in your recount of the incident and the logs of Mr. Kim and The Doctor. Chakotay would know to call me that.”

Torres paused, she did have a point, but what if the entity knew that using her name would draw her in? What if he had Chakotay trapped and was torturing him to get this information? What did he have to go through to get this message to them?

Unbeknownst to her, Kathryn was thinking through the same questions, but in her mind it was all her fault. 

“I am going in.”

“Captain-”

“There is no choice,” she tapped her commbadge. “Janeway to Tuvok”

“Tuvok here Captain.”

“You have the bridge until the Commander and I return, the only way to get him out is if I go in.”

“Understood, I will send a security team to assist you. Tuvok out.”

Janeway breathed a sigh of relief that Tuvok hadn’t argued with her. 

“Right, B'Elanna, contact the doctor and get him in on this,and remember to have him send Kes.”

B'Elanna nodded and commed The Doctor. 

Janeway walked to the glass case that held Chakotay, she watched his chest rise and fall as if he were sleeping. His brow was furrowed, and as she watched a beeping began on the console near Torres.

“What’s going on?!” She yelled.

Chakotay’s breath had quickened and he looked more distressed.

Her engineer’s hands flew across the console. 

“His heart is experiencing severe stress, he’s going into shock.”

At that moment the doors opened and Kes came running, hearing the alert. 

“We must stabilize him.” She said in her sing-songy voice.

“How?” said the Captain urgently.

“I am not sure, let me scan him more thoroughly.” Kes headed to Chakotay, but before she got there the beeping stopped. 

“Now what!”

“Captain, it doesn’t make sense but he seems to have calmed his heart himself…”

Kes scanned Chakotay, “She’s right Captain, there were no changes made to his condition, he seems to have controlled the shock.”

Leave it to Chakotay to calm himself down from a shocked state.

“We can’t wait any longer, Kes, Lieutenant, help me into one of these.”

With their help she clambered into the pod and Kes attached a cortical monitor to her temple.

“We will monitor your condition closely. If you or the commander start to exhibit signs that may lead to massive heart failure, we will pull you out.”

“No, leave us in. We will find a way out.” she paused and turned her head to B'Elanna. “Can you create a recall subroutine for us to access when we can?”

“Yes I think so, it shouldn’t be too hard to input that command, but it won’t appear for very long.”

“Send it when you notice a significant drop in our stress levels hm? That should be a good indicator. Hopefully we can get out ourselves, but I would like the backup.”

“Yes Captain.”

She nodded at B'Elanna, and then Kes. “Send me in.”

The case closed and Janeway began to feel sleepy, she closed her eyes and let herself slip into stasis.

\-----

When she opened her eyes everything was dark. She stood and noticed she was in civilian clothing, a tan dress with similarly colored leggings. Her hair was down about her shoulders and she had no commbadge.

She began to look for an exit, it seemed the dark room had four walls, but no sign of a door. She continued to fumble along when she heard a yell.

“KATHRYN!!!!”

She jumped at the voice, and then collapsed.

Memories rushed to her mind, the computer synching the copy with the original, images flashed before her, Fear, Chakotay… being trapped in that room. 

Her eyes snapped open, when she looked down she had a wound across her middle and a gash on her arm, the tan fabric stained. She remembered everything, and she was terrified.


	7. A New Toy

“Chakotay… CHAKOTAY!!” She got up from the floor where she had fallen when the memories kit, limping along the walls she continued to try and find the door. 

“No!! Take me it’s me you want, I am really here now, just as you asked!!” She shouted to the darkness, she continued to fumble, but jumped and spun around when a hand grabbed her shoulder.  
It was fear. His clown makeup was dripping down his face, his manic expression exaggerating the joy in his eyes. The joy at their pain.

He had come when she arrived, just as Chakotay thought he would. He and the holographic Janeway had had little time to plan and neither could fully form any ideas before fear caught on so all they had decided on was to get her here. The real her. Chakotay watched from the end of a long hall as Fear approached Kathryn. He started moving towards them, wanting to use surprise to his advantage, but he was determined to throttle the entity if her hurt her again…

 

“Why are you doing this…” Janeway backed against the wall, trying to get away from him.

“We are having fun! Don’t you think so Kathryn?”

She tried to hide the shock at her name being used, this whole time he had referred to her as Captain or Janeway. This couldn’t be good.

“What, surprised? If your dear Chakotay can call you by your name then so can I! We have a close bond, don’t we Kath.” He was still moving towards her.

She had run into a corner and had nowhere to go. Realizing her mistake, she looked around for Chakotay, to put herself in front of him, but she couldn’t get around Fear.

“Please, you have what you want now, you have me. Let Chakotay go.” She said with all the stability her voice could muster.

“Uh uh uh! It’s not as simple as that! You two were conspiring against me. I know. I know everything. That’s why you came back isn’t it? To help him get rid of me?” His light - playfully sick - tone changed.

“Well it won’t work!!” He yelled at her. “I will always be here!! You remember don’t you? How I was there when you awoke again, how I was there when you tried to call for help, no matter what you do I am here! AND I HAVE THE POWER!”

His crazed speech was punctuated by a blow to her abdomen, right above where she was cut. He was moving his hand to her neck when she heard a guttural cry from somewhere in the dark.

Chakotay jumped and wrapped his hands around the entities neck. It struggled for a second, then stopped and stood straight, Chakotay still grasping it’s neck. With a snap of his fingers, Fear disappeared and Chakotay fell to the floor. 

“Chakotay!” Kathryn rushed to him as best she could, still clutching her middle. 

He sat up and looked at her. “Kathryn, you’re here.”

She reached out and cupped his cheek, “Yes I am right here.”

He leaned closer and looked at the cut, he swallowed hard and turned away, eyes shut tight.

“That was meant for me…” he said through clenched teeth.

She remembered how the previous version of herself had jumped in between Chakotay and a blade being swung at him by Fear. The entity had tried to kill Chakotay the same way he had killed the others, just with a little modification. He had challenged Chakotay to combat, providing him with any weapon of his choice as long as it had no technological component and no lethal potential. 

Chakotay had chosen boxing wraps, and before he had a chance to object, Fear had chosen a sword and was swinging it at Chakotay. 

The promise had been that Kathryn would be uninjured during the duel, if Chakotay won he would get to take the program offline, if Fear won, he got to keep Chakotay.

Chakotay had put up quite a fight, his boxing reflexes helping him to dodge the blade and even get in a few jabs to the entities head and stomach. When he dodged a swing of Fear’s sword by ducking under it, the manifestation had taken the opportunity and hit him on the head with the handle of the blade, hard. 

Kathryn, seeing his vulnerability ran to him, and before Fear could notice, she had stepped in front of Chakotay, taking a slice to the midsection and crumpling. 

When he realized his mistake Fear screamed, “YOU IDIOT, LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!” His voice had changed to a manic-singsong tone, “Poooor Janeway!! All Chakotay’s fault, you just can’t stop hurting her can you?”

By that point Chakotay was trying to get to her but the entity grabbed her by her collar and took her to the room they now occupied. She had screamed for him, called to him, but the creepy members of Fear’s circus had appeared and held Chakotay back. He was powerless and felt tears well in his eyes while she was dragged away. He had stayed like that, motionless, until the circus freaks had lost interest, and he followed where Fear had dragged Kathryn.

Only then did he send the message they had agreed upon, finding the panel on the wall left by B'Elanna and Harry. 

After the message was sent, he had revenge in his heart, and went after them.

 

Kathryn looked at Chakotay, keeping her hand on his cheek and gently rubbing her thumb across his cheekbone. “Yes, I know, I remember everything, the other Kathryn’s memories...” she winced as she inhaled, “merged with mine when I entered the program, it’s like I was here the whole time.” 

“How could the computer have done that?” He said, leaning into her hand for a moment before shifting positions. He looked around for Fear but it seemed that for the moment, they were alone.

“I am not sure,” she winced again as Chakotay lay her down to examine the gash in her midriff. “All I know is, this version of fear is even sicker than anything B'Elanna and Harry had described.”

“I know, I think I am partially to blame for that.” Chakotay looked sick, obviously upset that he had somehow caused a sudden increase in Fear’s viciousness.

“How?” 

Chakotay paused before answering, scanning the blank room for any sort of fabric he could use to bind her wound but, finding nothing, decided to remove his undershirt. 

He had taken off his uniform jacket for the duel, and only had his undershirt left. He was a bit hesitant to appear shirtless in front of her in this situation, but figured her need for a binding was a more pressing issue. 

Her eyes widened when he removed his shirt, and she was temporarily distracted by his bare chest, but quickly refocused on the pain in her stomach as he began to bind her wound. He was working hard and obviously knew what he was doing, soon she was wrapped up and the bleeding had slowed. 

“Why do you think it is your fault he is so violent?” 

Chakotay paused before answering. 

“He has been using some of the Cardassian techniques I observed during my time in the Maquis…”

“But B'Elanna also-”

“No, she didn’t see what I saw… I am sure he got some ideas from her, but these behaviors are definitely from my memories.”

“Well, let’s just hope he doesn’t go too overboard with the multicultural torture hmm?” He chuckled, amazed at her ability to cheer him up even when she was in so much pain. 

“So what do we do now?”

Before she could answer, Fear materialized on the floor next to where Kathryn was lying. His arms were folded behind his head and his legs were crossed, he looked relaxed and nonchalant, which was terrifying. 

Kathryn tried to scramble away without hurting herself and Chakotay tried to grab her and bring her to him. 

“Relax! I am not here to hurt you. Not yet.” They didn’t relax, so Fear sighed, seeming exasperated, and sat up from his repose. 

“You people. You terribly confused, emotionally repressed, annoying escape artist, regulation-loving people. What ever am I to do with you?” He stood then, sort of jumping to his feet and holding his hands out from his sides in a weird display of enjoyment. “Well now!” He clapped his hands together and the circus members started to come out from the shadows behind him. The room began to shift and change and Chakotay pulled Kathryn tighter and she got a handhold on his shoulder and pulled herself to his chest. Neither were quite conscious of the fact that they were clinging to one another, both just seeking comfort as the room shifted around them, and they shut their eyes to the faces surrounding them, laughing at them, taunting them. They clung to each other for dear life.


	8. Afraid

The air stilled after a moment, and Janeway let go of the shirt around her middle and the shoulder that belonged to Chakotay as her eyes adjusted to the light.

Chakotay recognized the place as quickly as she did, he stood and helped Janeway to her feet. She held onto his shoulder for a moment and he tried to support her, but he was distracted, looking around for Fear.

Janeway surprised him by pushing herself off him and standing straight, managing her Captain’s stance as best as she could. Her Captain’s mask fell into place, and Chakotay expected to see her tug at her uniform. 

They were on the bridge of Voyager, they were alone, and not wearing full uniforms. Chakotay was still shirtless and Janeway wore the torn tan dress.  
It was eerily still, quiet, and unnatural. 

Chakotay was still glancing around, but Janeway was standing straight, not even holding her side. He could tell by the look in her eyes that she had had enough. 

She walked to the center of the bridge and addressed the view screen. 

“I’ve had enough of this, come out and face me.”

When nothing happened, she gestured to their surroundings, “You brought us to my ship, so I am in control.”

Chakotay believed her, she showed no fear any longer, she instead held that steal in her eyes that was reserved for the toughest enemies. 

When Fear didn’t appear, she started to pace around the bridge, as nonchalantly as if she were conducting a trade discussion.

“It’s fun for you, when people run, when they cower, you like controlling people in their own minds. But here’s the thing, you can be controlled too.”

She thought back to the holograms time in the simulation after it had been turned back on, for a while she was able to avoid fear, avoid giving in, the computer had only scanned part of her memories so there wasn’t much for him to go off of. 

He had tried tormenting her with replications of shuttle crashes, of losing crew members, even made her relive watching the ship carrying her father and fiance sink beneath the ice. They scared her sure, but she had learned to control those fears long ago, they no longer controlled her. 

He had just begun to get creative, showing her the crew aged and decrepit, dying on the ship, never reaching home, telling her she failed them. She was captured by the Kazons, held prisoner. All of these things scared her but obviously not enough for Fear’s liking. 

When Chakotay had materialized and she lost the little control she had left. 

Fear sensed that she feared for Chakotay and had a field day. Now she realized she must control her fear regarding him too.

The entity materialized on the viewscreen.

“Oh you think so? YOU think you can control ME?” He almost shouted.

“Yes.”

The matter-of-fact way in which she said it, the rigidity of her tone and posture, made Fear’s face darken, she wasn’t going to play his game anymore. 

“Why did you bring us to my ship?”

A flicker of surprise, then back on the defensive “I wanted to see where you worked, unfortunately I must admit I’m only so creative, I wanted to see what fun things we could use here to scare you. Afterall, it will be so much more fun with your dear Commander aboard don’t you think?” 

His face disappeared from the screen, and three Romulan War Birds took his place, racing towards them and firing. The computer stated “Red Alert, warp core breach in 10 seconds” Smoke started to fill the bridge as the ship shook from the ships fire. Chakotay moved to get behind an engineering console, but Janeway held up her hand ever so slightly. He understood, and stayed at her side.

“You know that won’t scare me.”

Her face was unreadable. 

At that six Romulan officers appeared on the bridge, two went immediately for Chakotay. One phasered him in the back and the other knocked him to the ground with a blow to his head.  
Kathryn did her best to ignore the chaos around her as phaser fire rushed towards her. 

She took a deep breath, in and out. 

“No.” 

Fear popped back on the screen and the shaking stopped, the Romulans disappeared, and lights started returning to normal. 

“No? How about this?”

Now the view screen showed a planet, green and metallic, surrounded by what she knew to be Borg cubes, it was Earth. The continents barely distinguishable.   
Janeway stood silent, and Fear reappeared. This time, in person, the viewscreen blank. “Oh, you’re no fun!”

Chakotay got up from where the Romulans had knocked him down, nursing his back and head but standing nonetheless.

Fear walked toward Janeway but she stood her ground, and he began to circle her. “Such a stoic Captain, such a model of Starfleet poise and decorum. You’re right of course, those things wouldn’t scare you, you are trained not to be scared by the Borg or the Romulans. Face the enemy head on! That’s the Captain’s way.”

Janeway stood, regarding him as if he were something disgusting she had found on the bottom of her shoe.

“No you aren’t scared easy, you know how to recognize me, you know how to calm that fear within you. But oh my Captain…” He stood right in front of her, placed his hand right next to her cheek. “You aren’t perfect. I’ve seen what really scares you.” and he moved so quickly neither Chakotay nor Janeway could react. 

All they could do was look at the dagger now protruding from Chakotay’s chest. 

\----

Chakotay looked at the handle, then back up to Janeway, there was that fear. He started to get dizzy, and fell to one knee, his hand grabbing the hilt of the dagger. 

Kathryn tried not to go to him, to stand strong, but he was right, she was scared of something, of losing Chakotay.

She rushed to him, trying to ease his fall as he made his way to the ground, his breathing quickening. 

“It’s okay... Ah.” He said wincing as his movement drove the dagger further. 

“No it isn’t.” Kathryn look at him, and held his face in her hands, her gentle touch made him relax, and he was startled when she spoke in her most booming Captain’s voice.

“You’re right.” She said. “I am scared. Scared of losing Chakotay, scared of failing my crew, scared of losing this ship. But that is not my weakness.” 

Chakotay half-smiled, his body relaxing as his head rested in her hands. That’s how they would get out of this, to banish fear from their minds, to turn it into their strength, their power. 

He closed his eyes, and concentrated on Kathryn’s voice, it was her voice that would keep fear from entering his mind. Pain left his body as he lay there. 

Fear, who had been watching Chakotay’s fall from a few steps back, furrowed his brow. “But..”

Janeway cut across him. “I am afraid, and it is that fear that makes me stronger, drives me to be the best I can be, you know that this has to end.” She was still supporting Chakotay’s head, so she lowered him gently and stood, his eyes were closed, and she knew that he would clear fear from his mind, that he would trust her.

“Our fear gives you power, but it also give us power.” 

Fear was the one looking scared now.

“Fear exists for one purpose, to be conquered.” 

She said it quietly, almost as though she was trying to soothe fear. 

“You’re job is done here, it’s time for us to go home.” 

She thought hard about shutting down the program, using her fear as a motivator. She could feel his control slipping and she pushed harder.

“You asked to exist, you can’t exist, I have no need of you right now. I will see you again someday, but for now…”

The room had begun to darken, closing in on them, soon Chakotay could hardly see Fear. 

“No.. please.. Don’t” Fear stammered. Janeway stood still, her glare boring into him. 

“Please, I’m..”

“Afraid.” She finished. And everything went black.


	9. Coming Around

“Captain? Captain can you hear me?” 

The voice seemed to call from the end of a long tunnel, it echoed in her head. 

“Her synaptic functions have almost completely returned to normal, she should be awake.” Came another voice.

She focused on the voices and pulled herself towards them. Slowly she blinked and her eyes adjusted to the light of sick bay. 

Shadows focused into people and she saw Kes and B'Elanna leaning over her, slowly she became aware of pressure on her hand. She looked down the bed to her side and there stood Chakotay. 

The corners of her mouth tugged at a smile, but the searing pain that shot through her head turned it into a grimace. 

“Doctor she’s awake.” called Kes. 

“Ah good, see Commander? I told you it was nothing to worry about.” He said as if she had come in with a scraped knee. 

The pressure on her hand tightened momentarily, then she was brought sharply awake by a shot of pain that went through her head and down her spine. She cried out in pain. 

The Doctor’s expression was no longer one of mild indifference and now matched that of the others in sick bay. He ran his tricorder over her, “There seems to be residual nerve damage.” he said.

“That’s impossible, the system shut down without issue, the interface couldn’t have harmed her.” Said B'Elanna. 

Nerve damage… what nerve damage? Janeway tried to speak but was met with another shot of pain. 

The hand she had felt earlier was back on hers and she squeezed it hard in pain, not wanting to move again and get another shot she refrained from asking an questions.

She closed her eyes and just listened to the commotion around her.

“Chakotay how did she take you out of stasis? Did she use the recall subroutine?” B'Elanna asked. 

“No she didn’t, I’m not entirely sure how she managed it…” He thought for a moment then added “We just banished fear from our minds. He lived on the fear already inside our heads, and drew power in the simulation from that wavelength.” Understanding was beginning to dawn. “Once we were able to take control of our feelings, he lost control of the simulation. It seemed to respond to the Captain’s wishes instead, and I guess the system shut down, letting us out.”

“That makes sense,” chimed Kes. “Why else would he have to torture and create delusions for the people hooked up to the machine? He had to have control of the system and their fear gave him the control.”

“That may also explain why none of the original overrides worked, once he had control of the system he would have changed the inner workings of the machine so that they only responded to him. When we left the system the first time, when the hologram of Kathryn entered, Harry and I were still…” She paused, not wanting to admit weakness, but continued anyway, “afraid… we shut down the machine but,” another pause, and Kes, the Doctor and Chakotay looked to her in anticipation, then she exclaimed, “Of Course!! The backup system! The one that was to take over in case of power failure! It had it’s own interface and battery cells. He was able to store himself in there along with the copy of the Captain’s brain and the hologram and restarted the system!”

“That makes sense aswell, there was enough power in the reserve to get the system turned on again and to sustain at least one occupant. It was enough to power the brain, the hologram, and therefore him.” said Kes nodding her head as the events of the last few hours began to make sense.

“Right, it must have been the lure to draw in more minds since the batteries couldn’t have run the system for long and the copied brain functions couldn’t take the place of a real brain. Once Chakotay hooked himself up, the original system took over again and powered it. When you and the Captain shut it down this time, there was nothing to give the computer commands and it shut off. All the power in the backup system had been drained.” She looked to Kes and the Doctor, “There was nothing to power him once the Captain and Chakotay were able to isolate the emotion, control it, and the system shutdown.” B'Elanna concluded.

“Tuvok would be so proud.” Huffed the Doctor as he continued to scan the Captain. 

“What happened to the hologram?” B'Elanna asked, pausing in her celebration. 

“I think it was shut off the second the Captain entered the system, the power was rerouted to keep her in stasis. When she entered the system she said the simulated brain sort of, synced, with her somehow, and she was able to remember everything the hologram had experienced.”

This gave them all pause.

“How is that possible?” Asked Kes.

“I don’t know, Doctor?” Chakotay responded honestly.

“I will have to look into it more when my patient is not in severe pain.”

The mention of the Captain drew them from their musings and back to the situation at hand.

Chakotay focused on the woman beneath him. He looked at her face, relaxed as she listened to the officers around them. True she probably didn’t want to move, but she was also content, she was safe. He doubted that she cared how it all went down, just that it was over. 

He held her hand a bit tighter, not wanting to hurt her but reassuring her that he was there, he received another squeeze in response. 

“Well, that was all fascinating and I will get around to figuring out how the brains merged with the help of engineering in a bit.” Pipped the Doctor. “But none of that helps the present situation.”

“You’re right, of course Doctor.” said Kes respectfully. “Why would there be nerve damage if the computer was switched off after Fear couldn’t power or control it?”

It was then that Chakotay perked up, all eyes turned to him as he spoke. “Because… because Kath- the Captain may have shut down the power supply so to say, but not before he did some... Damage.”

He had yet to tell them all the details of what happened in the simulation and he could feel their curiosity, but none of them pushed, and Kes saved him from any further questions. “Of course, similar to how the other occupants suffered heart attacks, she must have suffered nerve damage.”

This worried Chakotay, she had seemed strong in the simulation, but the visions must have hurt her more than he realized. 

Clearly unsatisfied by any of the presented explanations the Doctor grimaced and all but rolled his eyes but relented, “Yes well, no matter, we must set about repairing it. Kes I require your assistance, B'Elanna, you may go, and Commander-” He was met with a death glare set to rival the Captain’s, and took the hint. “Fine, you may stay but keep out of the way.”

Kathryn felt the pressure on her hand slack and she gave him a reassuring squeeze, she knew he wouldn’t be too far. He took the hint and let go, stepping to the side so the Doctor and Kes could get to work. 

Kathryn felt a hypospray press into her neck, and she fell unconscious.

\------

When she awoke again there was no pain, just a heavy exhaustion that made her want to fall right back to sleep. 

She blinked and looked around, on her left was Chakotay, exactly as he had been when she awoke the first time. Sitting on a plain stool, back up against the wall, and looking even more tired than she felt. He had been staring at something on the other wall, but when she stirred his eyes snapped to hers and relief spread across his face. 

She couldn’t help it, a smile crept across her lips, “Good Morning Commander, report.” He smiled, if she was well enough to crack even a simple joke, that was a good sign. 

“More like good evening.” The tender moment was broken as the Doctor came strutting over. 

Instinctively the Captain pulled her hand away from Chakotay, she didn’t even realize she had reached for it, but the action was not missed by the Doctor who raised his eyebrows slightly before continuing to scan her. 

“The procedure was a success, how are you feeling Captain?”

Slowly she started to sit up, “Better, my head doesn’t hurt nearly as bad anymore.” Her hand traveled to her forehead and rubbed her temple. It didn’t hurt as bad but she still had a headache. The Doctor noticed her discomfort and held up a hypospray. 

“Some residual headache is to be expected, this should help but,” he pressed the hypospray into her neck. “The only way to get rid of it completely of course, is to get a good night's sleep.” He glared now at Chakotay, “Something you BOTH could use.” 

“Of course, thank you Doctor.” Janeway swung her legs over the edge of the bio bed and stood. Chakotay stood too, ready to lend her support if she should need it, but she stood fine and he relaxed. 

Her eyes softened at the gesture, he was still worried, but they were safe. 

“Remember, you both are not to return to duty for at least 48 hours and I want to see you back here tomorrow, I need to-” The Captain cut him off, “Yes Doctor, I know, standard two days to recover from a trauma, daily check-ups, you don’t need to convince me this time!” 

Reluctantly the Doctor held his tongue as the command team walked out of sick bay. 

\----

They walked in silence, side by side, into the turbo lift at the end of the hall. Once inside Janeway instructed the lift and it began to move. Chakotay was sotic beside her, she couldn’t take it any longer, “Halt turbolift.” It took a moment after the lift had halted for Chakotay to react, only when he felt her hand on his arm did he turn to her. 

“Chakotay, what is it?” she asked softly. He wouldn’t meet her gaze and she pressed again. “Chakotay… what’s wrong?”

Before she knew what was happening he had scooped her up into a crushing hug. Surprise gave way to relief as she melted into him. The real him, not an image, not broken or hurt, just him. 

They stood like that for a long moment, just enjoying the feel of one another, and it was Chakotay who came back to reality first, slowly releasing her and looking sheepish. She stepped away, her face unreadable.

“S-sorry, I just-” he was silenced when Kathryn slide her arm around his back, and called for the lift to resume. 

It was his turn to be surprised, even as the turbolift opened she did not withdraw her arm, and cautiously he drapped his over her shoulders. 

They walked like that down the empty corridor until they reached the Captain’s quarters. 

Slowly they stood to face each other. Chakotay had regained a bit of his thinking ability and began to talk, “Kathryn I know it’s been a long day, or however many days…” He honestly wasn’t sure what the stardate was, “you need rest, will you be okay?” 

“Yes Chakotay I am alright, you need to rest too.” Neither made a move to go inside, and it was Kathryn who spoke next. “Chakotay, would you care to have breakfast with me? I think we need to… talk, about everything that’s happened.”

“Um, sure, that sounds lovely.” He tugged at his earlobe, not wanting to give away how excited he was that she wanted to talk about what had happened and not just ignore it.

She gave a small smile, “0800 sound alright?” 

“Yes, just fine.”

“Sleep well Chakotay.”

He looked directly into her eyes now, “You too Kathryn, sweet dreams.” 

She turned to the door but hesitated, quickly she placed her hand on his arm and squeezed, she looked like she wanted to say something but she quickly keyed in her code and went inside. 

Surprised by the touch, Chakotay stood outside her door for a moment, just thinking.

Would she talk about what had happened in the simulation? She had said she was afraid of losing him, and he was afraid of losing her too… But in what way did she mean? Did she admit what he thought she did? 

It was too much to process. He shook his head and made his way to his quarters for a well-deserved rest.


End file.
